Rihanna is Creepy

Some call her Ri, many know her as RiRi, but to the rest of us she's the girl who did that 'Umbrella' song. We spotted RiRi at Tillman's in NYC a few years ago and thought she was kinda cute. Wikipedia lists the following as her occupations: 'singer, model, songwriter, executive producer, dancer, video director, philanthropist, cultural ambassador, and author.' Yeah, ok, whatever. Where to start with this one... We like your voice. You're fairly pretty. But your music videos are a headache to watch and your dancing is garbage. And that forehead is so large it probably deserves mention in the Guinness Book of World Records. We took time to watch videos of her concerts; pretty uninspiring. She never seems to give that 110% effort as an entertainer. What's up with her tagline 'Good Girl Gone Bad?' How original is that? Readers: want to see the worst dance sequence, ever? Here it is, fast forward to 1:40 min. Wait, go back to 1:19. Those are ballerina legs, not Rihanna legs! Seriously, who choreographed this shit? For a girl from the islands (Barbados) Rihanna lacks a lot of panache and soul. Look into her eyes next time you watch one of her videos: we're convinced she's the devil! Rihanna's Umbrella has to be THE worst music video ever made by a Grammy-winning artist. That's right, worse than ALL of Alanis Morissette's videos combined. No, we don't think that RiRi will be sticking around forever. This is one big paper chase to her, and she's far from an artist. That whole nonsense with Chris Brown was also a little disconcerting. Let's hope she's not another Whitney Houston in the making!

Welcome Alternatives: We like British pop and R&B singer Leona Lewis, a lot. We'll suck it up and admit this; Bleeding Love is a great tune. Leona is pretty cute and we dig her Brit accent. Another R&B artist we have a thing for these days is Ciara. Have you all seen the video to her song Ride? God bless America, and God bless this girl. Ciara should be giving RiRi dancing lessons 24/7. When it comes to female pop artists, we must say that GaGa takes the cake. While she's no Cindy Crawford and can't dance much better than Rihanna, GaGa is smart, quirky, has a great voice, and almost ALL of her songs are party starters. People joke that she has a penis, but there isn't a guy out there who wouldn't ditch their girlfriend to get with GaGa for a night. Bad Romance has 243 million hits on YouTube and her new hit, Alejandro, is pretty sweet. We think she's dethroned Madonna with this last song. Keep up the great work Stefani, not bad for an NYU girl!

Footnote: You have to see these Rihanna jokes, they're almost as good as Chuck Norris jokes.