Cupcakes are lame

We don't want our readers to think that we're softies for writing about pets and boobs and desserts of late, but we have to get this out: there's a cupcake mania going on and it has to fucking stop. Cupcakes are affordable and allow people a few bites of indulgence across several dozen flavors. Phenomenal. The best-known spots in NYC these days are Crumbs, Sugar Sweet Sunshine, Billy's Bakery and Sweet Revenge, to name a few. The whole thing is out of hand and puts the frozen yogurt craze (think Pinkberry) to shame. The prime example of cupcake fanaticism today is the people we see queued up outside Magnolia Bakery in the West Village; rain, cold or hot summer sun. This whole nonsense began with Sex and the City several years ago. If Carrie Bradshaw jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge would her legions of fans follow? We'd sure hope so! Don't people realize that the average cupcake (with frosting and sprinkles) has close to 250 calories? We've even seen some people polish off two, three cupcakes at a time, sans milk; kinda scary don't ya think? Speaking of X-Files, this genius blogger has eaten and reviewed cupcakes in 52 different places around the country. Holy cow Jessica, do you want diabetes that badly?!?

Welcome Alternative: Fellas: don't let us ever catch you with a cupcake in your piehole. Ladies: do us a favor and try eating cupcakes on your own time (preferably after a proper workout) or in the presence of your girlfriends. For the love of God, do not drag your significant other around town in search of the latest, greatest cupcake creation. We were invited to a nice wedding last month and the guests were served homestyle chocolate chip cookies from Levain Bakery – what a novel idea! We were thoroughly delighted to not see the cliché red velvet cupcake tower. If you're American, please consider it your duty to enjoy apple pie, fudge sundaes, banana splits, watermelon, even Jello from time to time. But let's see what we can do about cutting back on these overrated yuppie cupcakes...