Facebook. Can't get laid without it these days. Try asking a girl for her number at a bar next time. Huh? She'll ask you to Facebook her instead. Doesn't matter if you're in Brooklyn, Buenos Aires or Berlin... you need a Facebook account. By friending a girl on Facebook she gets to see where you hang out and who you party with. It tells her whether you're a party boy who does coke in the Boom Boom Room and races Cigarette Boats up on Cape Cod or if you’re a hermit freak with loser balding friends. Same goes for the ladies; Facebook is all about vanity. Girls always take pics with their uglier friends so that they shine in their profile pics. We actually think girls go out in groups these days and spend over half their time striking poses just to show off their lame party pics on Facebook. Of course we’re suckers in that mix. We did the math and estimate we’ve spent (wasted!) 500-600 hours on Facebook since creating our profile in late 2009. What idiots! What really grinds our gears though (and what we really find overrated in this instance), are the stupid status updates. Do we really care to see what you're eating for brunch at Pastis? Nope. Do we give a shit that you're in Chicago O’Hare waiting for a connection to visit your lame relatives in Indiana? Hell no. Do we care that you're in a relationship with some loser now? If it means we can't booty call anymore, yes. Otherwise, fuck off! One post we saw today: “Morning run on the bike trail, lunch on the terrace, reading in the hammock, deep sea fishing, BBQ and then fireworks... Happy 4th!” – Who gives a shit? Where did you find the time to post that if you were so busy? The only value-add from status updates is the occasional YouTube video you hadn’t seen yet or the periodic birthday wish/engagement announcement etc. Those are always welcome. Anything else, keep it to yourself already.
Welcome Alternative: Please use discretion here. Realize that most people have 200-500 Facebook friends (sociologists say people are only capable of maintaining 150 real friendships). That can create a bottleneck every time you care to see your REAL friends' status updates. Limit yourself to one or two status updates a week: remember, quality is what counts, not quantity. In doing so, realize that you might actually get people to like you more. Sidenote: if you are a parent with children above the legal voting age, it is NOT cool to be on Facebook. Stop putting up shit on your kids' friends' Facebook walls – don’t even friend them in the first place. Get a life; delete your Facebook account and join a country club. Thank you.
Welcome Alternative: Please use discretion here. Realize that most people have 200-500 Facebook friends (sociologists say people are only capable of maintaining 150 real friendships). That can create a bottleneck every time you care to see your REAL friends' status updates. Limit yourself to one or two status updates a week: remember, quality is what counts, not quantity. In doing so, realize that you might actually get people to like you more. Sidenote: if you are a parent with children above the legal voting age, it is NOT cool to be on Facebook. Stop putting up shit on your kids' friends' Facebook walls – don’t even friend them in the first place. Get a life; delete your Facebook account and join a country club. Thank you.
