California Ain't Cool

This posting might tick off some of our West Coast readers but we want to be as forthcoming as possible: California is pound-for-pound, the most overrated state in the Union. True, California has great state schools, hot surfers, amazing sushi restaurants, the best basketball team in the world, and West Coast Choppers kick ass. Besides, they've got the Golden Gate Bridge while we're stuck with the stupid Verrazano. And let's not forget their prowess in designing iPods and whatnot. But California lies on the San Andreas fault line and is rocked by ten thousand earthquakes a year. Scary. The State is a bankrupt mess and boasts the third highest unemployment rate in America. The cost of living in California today is actually higher than places like New York and New Jersey. No secret by now, but the State is also a bastion of liberalism and home to types like Leo DiCaprio and Sean Penn. If you're a sensible individual with moderate (even slightly conservative) political views, don't risk your life by going out West. They'll eat you alive. Why Californians elected an Austrian bodybuilder to govern the state's affairs is way beyond us. Ever wonder why reality TV is so retarded? Simple: blame it on Californians like these and their piss-poor values. We are convinced there's a tombstone that says 'Culture - died 1850 - RIP' somewhere out in the Mojave Desert. Before we forget, Arnold, your beaches kinda suck big guy. Even Long Island has nicer beaches!

Welcome Alternative: While we're not big rap fans, Notorious B.I.G. once said: “If I got to choose a coast, I got to choose the East...” Damn straight: the East Coast is where this country started and where the buck stops. If you're looking for underrated peaceful places to live, start a business, or raise a family, look into Maryland, Virginia (UVa!), or North Carolina. We're also fond of Connecticut and Vermont (love New England) and hear nothing but good about Colorado. The contrarian in us says ultra-distressed Louisiana might be worth a look now too. Sure, we have dear family friends and college buddies who live and work out in California. San Francisco makes for a pleasant stay and we always enjoy spending time in San Diego (try the shrimp tacos at Poseidon, Del Mar). How about Napa Valley? Only for cheesedicks - step it up and fly your bride over to Tuscany or Bordeaux in 2010! And next time you think about updating your Facebook status to “I'm off to Cali, biatches,” tone it down a little. We really could care less.

Footnote: The best thing about California at this point may be In-N-Out Burger. We love the concept, the service, and the quality of their product. Thanks to our friends at Burger Bedlam for the intro!